I’m bracing myself for a deep dive into this book, which is billed as an unflinching look at the dangers tech leviathans Apple, Google, Facebook and Amazon pose to human freedom and self-determination. Author Franklin Foer is the former editor of the liberal New Republic magazine. He was hired in that role shortly after the magazine was bought by Facebook co-founder Chris Hughes in 2012. It was a time when clickbait was ascendant and few people understood (or cared about) the extent of personal data collection taking place. The book has its defenders and detractors. Bouncing around the various reviews of the book, pro and con, is not unlike wading through a contentious Facebook comment thread. I’m looking forward to reading it myself so I can form my own opinion 🤔📖
📚🌎✈️ Here’s an interesting vignette from my day at the library. Recently, a library user in Argentina sent a message to our Facebook page asking us for help with a book she had checked out from us. She had been in the US on a student visa, presumably to pursue her studies at the university. Over the holiday break, she flew back home to Argentina to be with her family. Before she left, she borrowed a library book to read while she traveled. She planned to return to the US before the book came due. But after arriving in Argentina, she learned that her student visa would not be renewed and she wouldn’t be able to return to the US as planned.
She messaged us and asked for advice how she could resolve the issue of the library book she’d borrowed, because she couldn’t bear the thought of not returning her library books. She offered to pay for the book. We said, can you simply mail it back to us? She traveled to the nearest city and inquired about shipping rates, and was told it would cost over $200 USD to ship the book back to the US. Hearing this, she sent us another message offering again to pay for the book, but she also mentioned that her American host family would be meeting with her during spring break, and suggested that her host family could bring the book back with them. We told her that we did not want her to pay so much for shipping, and we would rather have the book back than make her pay for it, so we happily agreed to extend the due date of her book until after spring break when her host family visits her. There are many things about this vignette that provoke thought, but I won’t offer analysis here. I will just say that this young woman’s conscientiousness and sincerity is extraordinary and I hope she is able to resume her studies here soon. 😀📚 #library#books#borders
What I’m reading this week: “Mismatch: How Inclusion Shapes Design,” by Kat Holmes. I’m looking forward to diving in to this analysis of the many ways that design decisions can inadvertently exclude users from a design’s benefits if they are not included in the design process, and how inclusion can result in better design for all users. 😀📚 #library #books #inclusion #design
What I’m reading this week: “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre,” by B. Traven
There are too many things to love about this timeless classic book written in 1935.
The story of three American adventurers who hunt for gold in the mountains of Mexico.
Source of memorable quotes such as this one:
It isn’t the gold that changes man, it is the power which gold gives to man that changes the soul of man. This power, though, is only imaginary. If not recognized by other men, it does not exist.
The book sold millions of copies and has been translated into many languages.
It was made into the brilliant film by John Huston starring Humphrey Bogart in 1948.
The author, B. Traven, remains anonymous to this day, however it is rumored that he posed as his own literary agent, Hal Croves, on the set of the John Huston film
#books #library #treasure #sierramadre #johnhuston #humphreybogart #halcroves #btraven
What I’m reading this week: “Becoming” by Michelle Obama. 😀📚
Like the woman herself, this memoir is likeable, accessible, smart, insightful, humble and confident in perfect balance. The most interesting facet of the book’s first pages for me is her story of growing up watching her father’s advancing multiple sclerosis. Watch for her subtle yet skillful descriptions of the coping mechanisms employed by each of her family members to adapt to the stark yet slow-motion debilitation of the patriarch’s physical mobility. I like this book very much and can’t wait to read the rest of it. 📖👍
Menlo Park Library, 1962 #flashback this view shows the original entry and façade. 😀📚
I live in a bubble. Always have, in one form or another. I think we all do. It’s essential. Without our bubbles to protect us, we all would blow apart. Life is a fragile and temporary sphere, destined to burst and dissolve. And in the fleeting moment while our mortal bubble is aloft, it is a fraught and wondrous work of magic.
The year was 1979. I didn’t want to leave again. Even though we didn’t belong in this place, at least it was familiar. I hated moving. We moved too often. I’d make friends, then we’d move and they’d be gone. I’d be on the outside looking in, the new kid, once again. But this time, my mother said, we were finally moving back home! I still cried.
We drove all the way across the country, east to west, the four of us. The journey lasted eight days and eight nights. My brother and I were stretched out in the cargo area of the station wagon, nestled among blankets. There were no seat belts in those days. My brother played with his toy cars and I mostly read my books, drifting in and out of wakefulness and dreams. It was late in the summer, the hot sun angling into the broad windows of the rust-red Pinto. Sometimes we drove on through the night, accompanied by the strobe of passing headlights.
I loved the road. No matter where we moved to next, the road was always there, familiar, constant. The station wagon was our world. The road was thrumming and vibrating all around us, my parents confident and in control in the front seats. We were all here, tucked in close, together and safe. Moving. The desert stretched out into the world beyond as far as my eye could see, out there through the window. I wanted to live on the road forever.
My parents were very young, with two small children and very little money. They also were and still are a mixed-race couple. I didn’t know back then how often my parents encountered people who were prejudiced against them, against our young family. How people made their darker feelings known in subtle and overt ways. My parents found ways to avoid such people and insulate my brother and me from them. Sometimes I could see or feel a tenseness in my parents’ bearing afterwards, but to my child’s mind it was hazy and refracted, as if seen through a bent window. They never let it show, but I could sense it, darkly.
On our trek across the country, after each long day’s drive, we’d stop somewhere and camp for the night. One day we stopped at a roadside motel. My father rolled up my brother into a big woolen blanket and carried him into the motel room under his arm. My brother and I thought it was funny. You couldn’t even see him in there! But my mother told us not to laugh. He looked like a bedroll, the kind my father learned to roll in the Air Force. My father was very good at packing things away.
I will never forget the day we moved to Hayward, California. It was October 1979. I was seven years old. There was a huge statue of a lumberjack on the side of the highway, leaning forward on a street closely crowded with pavement and buildings and cars. There were no trees anywhere in sight. I thought that the lumberjack had cut all the trees down. His hands were frozen awkwardly out in front of his body, one palm up and the other palm down, as if he was holding something impressive and heavy. But his hands were empty.
We pulled into a two-story apartment complex. It had two long rows of apartments, each facing the other through black metal railings. All the doors looked the same. It was like a roadside motel, except it was plainer and had no signs or swimming pool. We drove down into the sunken driveway between the two blocks of buildings. Past the rows of carports on either side. This was where my mother’s sister lived with her boyfriend. We were going to stay with them until we found a house for our family. They lived in a one bedroom apartment over one of the carports. It was only for a few days, my mother said. It will be fun, like when my aunt comes for a visit at Christmas. I loved my aunt. We walked up the concrete steps. There were gaps between the steps. I gripped the metal rail tightly, afraid of falling through.
The apartment was small, much smaller than our duplex on the Air Force base. But it was bigger than the back of the station wagon, and we were all together in this new strange place. My aunt was there, and she made it happy and welcoming for my brother and me. We slept in the front room on the floor, all four of us.
We walked over to the nearby library and had a picnic in the park. We went into a hot dog stand with a big statue of a funny dog’s head wearing a white hat, smiling. My father borrowed a film projector from the library and a movie in a flat round metal can. We brought them back to the apartment and my mother hung a sheet on the wall while my father set up the projector. The movie was a cartoon with songs, Yellow Submarine. It was about a loner man who went on a journey and found his friends. One of the friends had a submarine. They all climbed in and went on magical and fraught adventures together, far away under the sea.
Days and weeks went by. The apartment walls seemed to shrink, closing us in. I forgot that we were ever going to move somewhere else. I remember my mother crying in my father’s arms. I had never seen that before. I stood there, staring. She told him we would never be able to find a house. My father held her close and said nothing. They noticed me standing there and the moment passed.
A few days later we drove across town to a neighborhood with big trees leaning over the street. We stopped at one of the houses and went inside. It had a big screened-in patio and orange trees in the backyard. My father rented the house from a lady who had lots of houses. She wanted a nice family like ours to live in this one. We put down roots and lived there for many years.
The apartment complex is still there to this day. I now drive past it every morning on my way to work. I work in the library where my father once had borrowed Yellow Submarine so many years ago.
My parents enrolled me in the neighborhood school, Eden Gardens. It was the middle of the school year. My family had just moved in from the other side of the country. I had a distinct southern drawl from my time in the Florida panhandle, a habit of my speech which lingers to this day. I spoke differently than the children here. I was scared and had no friends. I thought that I would be rejected again, on the outside looking in.
In that moment of uncertainty, I met the woman who would change my life forever. Her name was Alwine Fenton. We called her Mrs. Fenton. She was the third grade teacher, and I soon leaned that she had an extraordinary and transferable gift. Mrs. Fenton had a gift for making children feel important and special. And she could make children believe that all other children were important and special too.
In her classroom, every day was an adventure. Many were the moments when we all would find ourselves looking around the room at each other, singing songs and laughing and lit with wonder from within, and in those moments, we all knew that here, in this fleeting bubble of childhood, was magic.
One day Mrs. Fenton brought a giant bubble to the school. It was a traveling planetarium, inflated by a box fan. We were going to learn about the constellations in the night sky, and how explorers used them to navigate their way across the dark and mysterious seas. We all got down on hands and knees and crawled in through a tube and into the pitch darkness of the bubble. Mrs. Fenton crawled in behind us. Once inside, we all sat around the edge of the bubble, giggling while Mrs. Fenton set up the projector. The box fan enveloped us in a low humming sound. She told a story about an ancient mariner while she worked the machine. Then all at once a burst of light, and the dome above was filled with thousands of scintillating stars. Mrs. Fenton used a special flashlight that made a red arrow in the sky, to show us where to look.
The years flow by and dissolve like so much sea foam along the shore. Later, when I encountered teachers who gave less of themselves to their calling, I realized just how fortunate I had been to find Mrs. Fenton at that seminal moment in my life. She changed me. She set my dreams aloft and helped me believe that I could fly with them. Even in the darker moments of my life, and there were many in the years to come, I could look up and see the lights against the darkened dome above, Mrs. Fenton shining a red arrow in the sky to point the way.
Born in 1927, Alwine Fenton inspired generations of young people, myself included, to rejoice in learning and find the wonder within us. She taught in Hayward elementary schools for nearly fifty years, from 1949 until her retirement in 1986. After her retirement from teaching, Fenton continued to be a driving force in the local community through her voluminous volunteer work.
A gifted musician and educator, co-founded and directed of the Southern Alameda County Youth Orchestra and introduced many children to orchestral and symphonic music. Mrs. Fenton played an important role in the establishment of the Hayward Arts Council and organized art exhibits at many Hayward locations. She was a dedicated supporter and patron of local botanical gardens, and she led many tours and hosted many events in support of these precious resources of our area. She helped establish the Friends of Hayward Library, and the Kaiser Hospital support group for heart patients.
Shortly after her death in 1999, local leaders renamed a garden at Hayward City Hall in her honor, and commissioned a bronze bust of Mrs. Fenton and installed it in the newly dedicated Alwine Fenton Sensory Garden.
In 2010, a former student of Mrs. Fenton’s came upon the garden behind City Hall, which he had never done before. He’d come to work for the city two years before. His journey to that place in life had been long and fraught at times. He’d taken a rear stairwell leading out of the city hall building for a change, and it deposited him, unexpectedly, out in the middle of the garden. Stunned by the flood of sunlight, his eyes slowly adjusted and he saw Mrs. Fenton again, in a new and verdant place. The woman who had affected his life so powerfully had been honored and held aloft for all to see, by the very same city that had borne witness to so many of his own struggles and triumphs over the years. In that moment, it dawned on him that he held something valuable inside his heart, something that no one could ever take away. It was a weighty and visceral feeling. He felt as if he could hold it out in front of him with two hands. He realized, for the first time, that he was home.
I love working in downtown Hayward. I feel very fortunate and thankful to be a part of my hometown’s progress and future. The new library is being built right across the street from my office in the old library. I can look out my window and see the construction proceeding nicely. (I even get a chance to go inside from time to time.) Library staff and city coworkers often drop by my office with questions or business that needs my attention. Just this morning, a respected local community member dropped in unannounced to let me know that his organization would be making a generous donation toward books for the new library. I was very happy to receive his message, as you can imagine. The kindness and generosity of people in the Hayward community truly knows no bounds. I take a walk for lunch. The world’s best hot dogs are one block away at Casper’s on C Street. The world’s best little bookstore is right around the corner at Books on B. Best of all, it’s Friday, the sun is shining, and the holidays are right around the corner. It doesn’t get much better than that.
My finger never strayed far from the button. I pushed it early and often. I told myself that I controlled the button but in fact, the button controlled me. It decided whether to respond to my pressure. It alone set the tone and tempo of my recompense. It was my salvation and my destruction.
Time flies when your wings are burned off. As I laid in bed in the hospital intensive care unit, recovering from fourteen hours of neurosurgery, tubes spilling from my body like tendrils in a high-tech jungle, I had a lot of time to think. Not in a focused, conscious way, but in the semi-lucid manner of an opiate-infused walking dream. Moments from my life drifted in and out of my mind like ghosts in a grey winter forest. I could see them from the corner of my mind’s eye. I learned to avoid looking directly at them or else they would dissolve again.
I struggled with asthma as a child. Breathing was an all-consuming and exhausting labor. It was worst at night when I was trying to sleep. So many nights jarred awake, gasping for air in the darkest hour. I would call for my mother and father, and they would come, bleary-eyed but always there. If it was really bad, they would spirit me away to the emergency room in the dead of night. My memories of those journeys are indelibly infused with the scent of rubbing alcohol. Sometimes the doctor would have me breathe medicine from a vaporizer on the table. I would hunch over the machine with a cloth draped across the back of my head and breathe the wispy vapors that seeped from a hole in the top. On other occasions, the doctor would give me a shot.
After several late-night journeys to the hospital, the doctor began reaching for the shot first, my parents grimly nodding in the background. I hated getting a shot, of course, and they knew it. To my child’s mind, the needle was a painful and abhorrent violation of my only possession of any value–my body. Maybe they thought I was playing for sympathy. Maybe they were trying to wean me off of these late night hospital visits by making them more painful. Maybe they were right. But I still struggled to breathe. The next time I awoke in the middle of the night, gasping for air, I didn’t call out to my parents. I sat up in my bed and read my books until the attack subsided and I drifted off to sleep again.
My brain was a shrieking crescendo of nightmarish pain. It was three a.m. I didn’t want to wake up my wife and children. They were exhausted by the stress of my surgery, of caring for me when I’d arrived back home to recover. I thought of taking another pain pill. Try to ride out the pain. Go back to bed. But that would be dangerous. The pain was horrifically sharp. It was as if an instant replay of the surgery had begun, the scalpel slicing into the soft flesh of my inner ear, the whirring drill crashing through my skull. But here at home in the middle of the night, my family slumbering at last after a long and taxing day, there was no anesthetic to mask the pain. There was no morphine button.
I had just come home after a week in the hospital. My head was wrapped in a bandage like Frankenstein’s monster. I couldn’t go back to sleep. The pain wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t sit up in my bed and read my books. Reading was impossible anyway because of the pain. Worse, the pain was a dangerous sign that something was wrong. Through a haze of agony I realized that this was how it happens: I could die right here in bed from a hemorrhage while my wife and children slept.
“I need to go to the hospital.” My voice resonated back unfamiliar, disembodied. I hadn’t adjusted to my sudden and utter deafness on one side. Hearing myself speak was an eerie sensation. It was as if my voice was coming from somewhere outside of me. I reached out and weakly brushed my hand against her arm. She was instantly awake, her eyes straining to focus in the darkness. She reached over to the bedside lamp. The light filled its corner of the room and we were cast into sharp new shadows.
To be continued.
Part seven coming soon.
My eyes were covered by a sterile sheet of cloth. I could hear the voices of a dozen surgeons and technicians calling out and responding to each other–the opening steps of a complicated surgical dance. My head was resting on its side with only my right ear exposed, facing up on the operating table like a delicate cutlet served on an immaculately prepared plate.
“Count backwards from one hundred.” I couldn’t see the anesthesiologist because I was laying on my side with my back to him, but I could hear his voice. My own voice resonated back, disembodied, as I counted off the numbers in darkness. I could feel myself beginning to float. The sounds of the surgeons’ voices intensified yet became more distant as I drifted away from consciousness. My lights went out by ninety-four.
There was a time when I used to dance. I began dancing when I was eleven years old, practicing my moves in the covered patio of my family’s rented house in Hayward. My friends and I spread cardboard across the concrete floor and competed to see who could complete the most backspins, and who could break out of a spin to end it with the best pose. One of my favorite moves was “floating,” which gave the illusion of effortlessly walking in many different directions at the same time.
I was surrounded in total darkness, and the floor was spinning violently beneath me. An instant ago, I’d heard my own voice intoning the number ninety-four. The next instant I was cast into a wild tailspin of darkness. I didn’t know it at the time, but seventeen hours had passed. Now I was clinging to the edge of a vortex, trying desperately to stay on top of it. The spinning was more severe than ever I’d felt even in my worst and most dangerous drinking binge.
I opened my eyes to a tiny slit, allowing a thin haze of grey to penetrate the darkness. The world spun even faster. I could hear my wife’s voice calling to me. My friend was there as well. I called out to them, to let them know I was here, please come and get me. All I could manage was a faint moan, and the darkness enveloped me again.
I came of age in the 1980’s. It was the golden era of twentieth-century greed, grime, and glitz. In those days, everything had to be bigger, brighter, and brasher than what came before. Hairstyles were tall and voluminous. Shoulder pads in jackets and other attire achieved linebacker proportions. The predominant aspirational lifestyle was one of conspicuous consumption and fantasies of wealth injected with sex, plastic, and electronics.
Back then, I was fascinated by those massive “boom box” music players. I always wanted to have one of my own, with all the bells and whistles–the bigger, the “deffer.” It’s only in hindsight that I can fully appreciate how well they characterized that extraordinary era. The dozens of impressive lights and dials that don’t actually do much to improve the quality of the sound. The voracious consumption of batteries that drained in an hour and then were thrown away to leak out of sight in some forgotten place. The hulking plastic body trimmed with blinding veneers of faux gold that soon chipped and faded into a lackluster patina. The thousands of black-on-black plastic parts that were engineered to fail, were not user-serviceable, and could not be replaced.
“The best odds we have to fully resect the tumor and preserve the facial nerve is to use the trans-labyrinthine approach.” The neurosurgeon was hunched forward in his office chair, elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him as he explained my options for the surgery. His shirt collar was open beneath his sport coat, and he had a slim gold and black watch on his wrist. “That approach will give us the most visibility and the best angle, without question. The drawback is that we would have to cut through your labyrinth, because it is directly in the path.”
In order to remove the tumor that was fast growing inside my head, the surgeons would cut across the labyrinth of my inner ear, effectively sacrificing it to open a clear path to get to the tumor. The labyrinth is the body’s mechanism for regulating one’s senses of hearing and balance. Without it, there is no hearing, and no sense of balance. I had little choice – my labyrinth would be sacrificed to save my life and give my surgical team the best conditions to remove the tumor, preserve my facial nerve and avoid disfigurement.
Part six coming soon.